The more you add the more you subtract

Primer, Foundation, concealer, bronzer, blush, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyebrow gel, eyebrow pencils, mascara, false lashes, extensions, and clip-ons, how many will you add before you subtract from yourself? Simple math, the more you add to yourself the more you subtract from yourself. The more you subtract from who you are, taking away all of your flaws and perfect imperfections.

Many of us are guilty of using all of these beauty accessories on a daily basis. Some of us will never leave the house without at least one of them on. Why are we so attached to these products? It may be that we are attached because we use these products to produce a “better version of ourselves”. This new and improved version of ourselves will then get praised by our family and friends and get us the most attention and likes on social media. This version of ourselves is considered flawless, sleek, and for lack of a better word beautiful. With all the compliments and attention we receive from adding these beauty accessories I can understand how anyone would want to look like their “better version “ every day. However, there is nothing wrong with finding liberation and empowerment through makeup and other cosmetics. Make-up is not solely used to dispose of flaws. The problem with make-up arises with the question, how do we feel when we take it all off? When you are in the comfort of your bathroom, and water washes the “better version” of you away, are you happy with what you see? Regardless of your answer, how many layers of these accessories did you add to subtract from the natural you?

Nonetheless, it doesn't or better yet it shouldn't take the entire MAC cosmetics store to feel liberated or empowered. It should not take three bundles of twenty-two inches of indian remy extensions or ombre clip-ins to be considered sleek and flawless. Or “fleek” eyebrows with thick false lashes to receive praise from social media, family and friends. And it shouldn't take a combination of all these accessories to create a “better version” of yourself or for lack of a better word to be “beautiful”.

On the contrary, this analogy “the more you add the more you subtract” fortunately can be applied in reverse. “The less you subtract the more you add”, meaning the fewer additions you apply to yourself to create the “better version” of yourself the more you add to the value of your beauty. For the value of your beauty can not be priced, nor could it be bought. The less you subtract the more you add to all the reasons why you are beautiful!

Does embracing your natural hair mean embracing your "Blackness"

         What does it mean to embrace your natural beauty?  How do you embrace your natural beauty? Or better yet what is natural beauty? Natural beauty can be defined as your natural state, independent of cosmetics. Embracing your natural beauty means despite your appearance, accepting who you are and being confident of that. The act of embracing your natural beauty is simple, accepting who you are in your most natural state and presenting your true self to the world. But what does this look like to women and more specifically African-American Women? It seems to me that many women fear going natural or fitting into the natural hair community because they believe that you must be “Afrocentric”. It also seems as if women associate embracing their natural beauty with embracing their “Blackness”.

           As women of color when we begin to embrace our natural beauty we begin to accept our bodies, our hair, and our skin tones. We accept our curves, our curls, the depth in our skin tone, and all the features that make us women of color. However, these features are normally discouraged by mainstream media in society as “beautiful”. The effects of social media are strong and women begin to alter their features to be categorized as beautiful. Their natural beauty is sheltered and they hide their curves, curls, and the color of their skin away behind weight-loss, relaxers, and cosmetics.

             Embracing your natural beauty means embracing your blackness! Being a woman of color means that you have distinct characteristics that make up your natural beauty. You do not have to be “Afrocentric” to embrace your “Blackness.” It is not mandatory for you to wear Nefertiti earrings, a dashiki, and listen to neo-soul to be accepted into the natural hair community.

             This does not only apply to black people, but applies to all cultures. Each culture has their own specific characteristics that make that culture beautiful, which in turn makes that individual beautiful. Once you take away the natural features you are born with you are not embracing your beauty, but you are celebrating others. By accepting and presenting your natural hair to the world you are showcasing what black beauty is! On this journey you then begin to become curious and more interested in your own culture and background. You begin to see your culture in a new and brighter light and want to share its beauty with the world. By embracing your natural beauty you are celebrating what makes your heritage beautiful! Your “Blackness” is an essential part of you and an essential part of why you are beautiful.

Natural Hair is more about Self-love than the actual hair

     When we decide to go natural, we are subconsciously deciding to accept ourselves. We are deciding to let go of the fear of not being accepted and deciding to embrace our true-selves. These are some of the key components of self-love. When we decided to go natural we are truly deciding to love ourselves for who we are.

      Natural hair is more about self-love the actual hair. We embark on a natural hair “journey” because we have to change our mindset, lifestyle, and behavior. While changing what we look like outside we are transforming who we are inside. We change our interpretations of things; what we once declared as “ugly” are now considered to be beautiful! Through our natural hair journey we begin to see the beauty within our true selves.

      In order to be successful in your natural hair journey self-commitment is required. This commitment of investing in yourself begins to trickle down into your mindset, lifestyle, and behavior. We start to take care of ourselves, our natural hair journeys usually gives us the courage to embark on more journeys! We set forth on fitness journeys, healthy lifestyles, fearless journeys, shamelessness, seeking positivity, and challenge ourselves to do more because we believe in ourselves. The journey of natural hair influences us to be patient with ourselves, invest in ourselves, and believe in ourselves. But most importantly it teaches us to love ourselves.

The lack of natural hair in the media impacts self-image

Growing up the media portrayed natural kinky curly hair as a burden that needed to be lifted and sold countless methods to relieve us of it or they didn’t portray it all. In the event natural hair was represented in the media it only glorified looser curl patterns and tighter curl patterns were hidden. The media only screened what “we” considered desirable, if it wasn’t in the media it wasn’t desirable.

The lack of natural hair in the media really impacts self-image because we are apart of a culture that is strongly influenced by the media. It defines what is trendy, what is sexy, and what is beautiful. Images are rooted into us through the overflow of advertisement in our daily lives and this helps dictate what we deem as ideal. Everyone wants to be loved, feel significant, cared for and desired. Once we realized that our natural state or our natural hair is not idolized in the media, one is only left to think that our natural hair is not idolized at all. This leads to countless measures to change the way we look and change our self-image to fit the idolized image.

It’s not what the media says about our hair it’s what they don’t say about our hair. They hide it and so do we. When we see women similar to us in mainstream media, we might be very similar in complexion yet we differ in hair texture. All of the negative thoughts I had about my natural hair were stemmed from what I didn’t see in the media. To protect my self-image and to be accepted as beautiful, I permed my hair and wore straight weaves while damaging my true self-image in the process. I didn’t consider my hair to be “kinky” I referred to it as “nappy”, “bushy” not “frizzy”, “rough” instead of “course”. Because the media hid it and my community didn’t encourage it, I didn’t consider my natural hair to be beautiful therefore I didn’t consider myself to be beautiful.

Fortunately, there are many sources of media; a large quantity in which are made by us for us that embraces natural hair. We have YouTube, blogs, podcasts and events that promote positive self-image through glorifying natural hair. The lack of natural hair in the media can impact self-image but it all depends on what source of media you indulge in. 

How to fall in love with yourself

          To be in love, to fall in love, to be loved, many experience life patiently waiting for this experience. Patiently waiting for the opportunity to receive affection and attention, passion, devotion and merely to be cared for. However, you must give in order to receive, commit the love you wish to receive onto yourself and onto the world. Commit to a healthy relationship with yourself for yourself. Fall in love with yourself. To fall in love with someone requires emotional dedication, to fall in love with you requires emotive commitments.

          The first commitment is to follow your heart. Follow your passions, your desires your wishes and your dreams. Follow, embrace and be aware of your emotions. Do not shelter them because you consider them as a weakness. Do not disconnect yourself from yourself. Understand your anger, rage, grief, sadness, joy, pride and sensibility. Cry if you have to and laugh as loud as you possibly can. This is how you fully understand yourself and come to terms with your true self. For it is impossible to love what you don’t understand.  

          The second commitment is Self-compassion. Learn to forgive those who have failed you but most importantly forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, and the mistakes of others. You cannot create change you can only influence it. Do not take responsibility for what you had no control over or for what you thought you did. Do not destroy yourself with feelings and words of shame, guilt, and doubt. Understand that you are doing the best that you can. Give yourself infinite opportunities to reach your goal and live in your purpose. Encourage yourself, believe in yourself and be your own support system.

           The third commitment is no self-comparison. Indulge in your authentic self. Genuinely embrace your definition of beauty, your natural beauty and appearance. Stop analyzing yourself for flaws, for those who look will find. Accept yourself for who you are, your pros and your cons for they make up your individual identity. This identify belongs only to you, comparing your identity to others will simply be pointless for we all are distinctively unique. The moment you stop comparing yourself to others and accept who you are will be the moment you love the person who you are.

         The last commitment is to be your own inspiration. Challenge yourself to be the person you want to be. Be the change you want to see in the world. Inspire and motivate yourself to be a better version of you. If your dreams do not scare you they are not big enough. Don’t be afraid and make use of your wildest dreams. 

                                                                        Live in love with you, Liv